Interview with (Anonymous)

I was approached by someone who has experienced loss in her family. She agreed to provide me with information regarding her loss given that she remains anonymous. 

How are you related?

“I am her cousin.”

What happened?

“From what I’ve heard, she went into the hospital complaining of an ear ache. She was really sick, got better and then was sent home. The following morning, her mother woke her up, and my cousin had no idea who the mother was. Was brought back into hospital and after a week she passed away after getting progressively worse. They were constantly getting referred to different doctors, as the others had no idea. The diagnosis came too late.”

How did her mother react?

“I don’t know her initial reaction because I wasn’t there. When I eventually went to see them, I saw that the mother was still in denial. This was probably because the funeral home was a two minute walk away, so the shock hadn’t really sunken in. During the funeral itself she was fine until after the cremation. It must have been the first time she cried and broke down completely.”

How did her father react?

“He was in shock the entire time. You could tell that he was overthinking every moment. He was the same at the funeral. I didn’t ever see him cry but you could still see how pale he was.”

Does she have siblings? How did they react?

“Yes she does, her older brother was very quiet. He goes to school overseas and came back for her funeral. He spent a lot of time in her room. He isolated himself a lot and you could see that he was very numb.”

“Her older sister appeared to be fine, which came across as quite weird. It seemed like it hadn’t sunken in for her even after she went shopping for her sister’s funeral clothing.”

“The little brother didn’t seem to realise what was happening. Since the funeral was open casket I remember seeing him throwing up after seeing his sister’s body. He had no idea how to react, as everyone in his family were displaying different emotions.”

How did the extended family react?

“Our grandmother cried a lot. There wasn’t very many different conversations around the topic, besides the fact that she died young.”

How did her close friends react?

“The only thing I saw from them was them in tears.”

Was there anything else, in terms of reactions around her death?

“Her school is a mile down the road. During the procession, there was a long line of people going from her house all the way to school. It was for everyone to pay their respects, it was quite amazing. All her teachers and other friends were there.”

After the Previsualisation Shoot

On Thursday, the entire DFSA crew went to 9 Colbrook Avenue to have a previsualisation photo shoot based on the first draft of the script. The purpose of the shoot was the following:

1) Orientate the crew to the location
2) Decide if the location was appropriate for the story.
3) Help brainstorm the lighting and camera options for the shoot at the location.
4) Execute the script to see if the plot and character progression were okay.

As a crew we left Farnham at 10:30AM, and arrived at 9 Colbrook Avenue at 1:00PM. From there we started shooting on my Canon EOS 7D because it had the closest possible specifications to the C300. Originally we had intended to shoot with the Sony EX3 but after hiring it out we realised that there was a 5.4 crop sensor on it which made lenses inaccurate for practicing with. Since Al and Jacob's priority was brainstorming and practicing ideas for framing, we chose to shoot with the EOS 7D. Callam acted as Thea, Charlotte acted as Yanna whilst I acted as Perlah. The shoot lasted until 4:00PM which was one hour earlier than expected.

From the previsualisation shoot we learnt the following:

1) Orientate the crew to the location

The crew managed to arrive at the location on time and without many issues. Most of us had paid £16.50 for a return journey from Farnham, which is expected of  location within Greater London. The commute between the station and 9 Colbrook Avenue was quite a long 15 minute walk, so we will definitely need to consider hiring a car out to transport our equipment for the bigger shoot.

2) Decide if the location was appropriate for the story. 

We found that the location was appropriate for the use of the living room. The scenes in which Thea and Perlah were involved seemed to suit the house well, however we found that the scenes with Yanna's involvement seemed a little bit out of place. Particularly because the house doesn't seem to match their lower-middle class status. We realised that the scenes where Yanna and Perlah are involved only required a kitchen and bedroom. Jacob and I offered our houses as an alternative location for these characters however we have yet to decide if this is appropriate, when the second draft of the script gets released.

3) Help brainstorm the lighting and camera options for the shoot at the location.

This was primarily Jacob and Al's responsibility and I will leave it to them to blog about this in-depth. However, from what I witnessed Al and Jacob were constantly discussing potential angles whilst keeping certain things in mind such as "not crossing the line," or how to depict dialogue or conflict.

When Charlotte was not acting she was given the opportunity to create notes on the soundscape present in each room. She also made note of the ambient lighting and potential issues that could be present for her.

4) Execute the script to see if the plot and character progression were okay. 

During the previsualisation shoot we saw a few issues with the character progression between Yanna and Perlah, as it seemed like mother and daughter were not close at all. This makes Yanna's death difficult to sympathise with since the story is primarily based from Perlah's perspective.

We weren't entirely sure about the approach towards Yanna's death, as it seemed too sudden. We felt the need to explain it more. It was decided that we want to use the heart as a visual metaphor to help explain this absence or presence of life.

On the other hand the relationship between Perlah and Thea was extremely close, which we really liked. We made note to keep that intimacy between the two characters however we felt that apart from the beginning there should be minimal physical interaction between Thea and Perlah. Besides that, their scenes helped us learn a lot more about Perlah.

I've relayed our feedback of the first draft back to Sam. We pressed on this idea of making Yanna more relatable as a character, and suggested that she is passionate and strong emotionally but has a physical ailment (such as a leaky valve or some other cardiac issue). Sam and I agreed on having a second draft completed for November 10th, so that we may present it for the assessment.

Embryonic Inspiration

Whilst we have read through the first draft, we have started interpreting what can be done in the production. Since we might have a difficult time recruiting an actress who is extremely pregnant (at least six months), we are trying to work around the issues of depicting a pregnancy indirectly.

I spoke to Al and asked if it was possible to do a scene where we never actually see the bare belly, because recruiting an actress could be near to impossible. Production wise, we would probably have to deal with a prosthetic pregnancy belly on an actress.

Al said it was entirely possible, and that we just need to rule out what our priorities are which can help dictate the shots. We agreed that the priority of the entire excerpt should be this idea of "the heartbeats." Simply because we will be using this in our soundscape, to dictate the presence or absence of life. Edgar Allan Poe did so in "the tell tale heart," as he used onomatopoeia to ambiguously haunt the living murderer (with his own conscience).

To Al, this meant that the focus of the introduction scene should be the doppler measuring the baby's heartbeat. "The bare belly might be too distracting.. We can feature it as her pulling her shirt back down after the home examination."

This is when I suggested "what if we don't show the pregnancy from the outside, but from the inside? What if we looked inside the womb? It can help contextualise our space whilst also raising the production's value. What if we use or create a 3D model of an embryo? Surely you can light it in a way that makes the baby look semi-transparent and highlights their beating heart."

Al knew of a website where one could purchase these said 3D models, royalty-free for a certain price (which was affordable). I asked "could we not build one ourselves? What if this contributes towards Callam's grade as an editor?" To which Al responded with, "we can do 3D modelling, but not to the extent of that kind of detail. We would be investing a lot of time into something that wouldn't be as beautiful or intricate, and this pre-made model does it justice. If we just purchase the model itself, we can focus on lighting it up and programming the rigs and movement for it. As a director, that's more of my priority."

I will incorporate this into our budget.

RIP Joseph Dodd & Richard Seale

I recently arranged for an interview with Melissa Dodd, as she is one of the few people in my network who has lost a child. The details of her story can be found in the recording linked above. She was aware of the fact that she was being recorded for educational purposes. 

In other news, Tim's grandfather has died. I considered him as a more grandfatherly figure, than my own grandfathers. My German grandfather died when I was a year old, whilst my Filipino grandfather speaks a different dialect to what I can understand. It seems as though my research into this idea of loss in a family is catching up to my everyday life. 

Like Melissa says, "the grief never really leaves your life, you just learn to live with it." 

Future Shorts Film Festival

Photograph by Abdulaziz Lamlum

The Maltings hosted the "Future Shorts Film Festival: Autumn 2014." Charlotte, Al and myself decided to go since it was only £3 and we could find something especially inspiring. Which we did.

"The Swimmer" by Lynne Ramsay was simple in concept, but intricate and complex in aesthetic and technical aspects. The lighting and composition in this film was absolutely gorgeous, most likely a result of shooting in bright weather conditions. What got to me the most was the use of sound from archived material to depict the thoughts of an endurance swimmer.

This has challenged me to think ahead for the sound design for "See You Soon." For example, instead of trying to find a way to show that our main character is a nurse, what if we told our audiences through the sound design? Like as she walks and is in a pensive state of mind we can hear the sounds of babies crying and hospital machine beeping, to depict what her occupation is.

I relayed this thought to Charlotte, since she is our sound mixer in post production. I've challenged her to think ahead.

Notes on Joan Didion's "Blue Nights"

The following extracts and notes were made whilst I was reading through Joan Didion's "Blue Nights." It is an autobiography depicting her life with and without her daughter, Quintana.

Chapter One

"During the blue nights you'd think the end of day will never come. As the blue nights draw to a close (and they will, and they do) you experience an actual chill, an apprehension of illness, at the moment you first notice: the blue light is going, the days are already shortening, the summer is gone. This book is called "Blue Nights" because at the time I began it I found my mind turning increasingly to illness, to the end of promise, the dwindling of the days, the inevitability of the fading, the dying of the brightness." - Page 4

• This gives us an interesting definition of "blue nights" right away. 
• It also triggers some interesting visual cues, perhaps Charlotte can look into the colour scheme using blue as her predominant colour for grief? 
• Reminds me of Dylan Thomas' "Do not go gentle into that good night."

Chapter Seven

"I continue opening boxes.

I find more faded and cracked photographs than I want ever again to see. 

I find many engraved invitations to the weddings of people who are no longer married.

I find many mass cards from the funerals of people whose faces I no longer remember. 

In theory these mementos serve to bring back the moment. 

In fact they serve only to make clear how inadequately I appreciated the moment when it was here. 

How inadequately I appreciated the moment when it was here is something else I could never afford to see." - Page 46

• Depicts the use of mementos, memories and their limitations. 
• Reminds me of how I "failed to appreciate the moments" with my family, when I took them for granted as a teenager.

Chapter Nine

"Once she was born I was never not afraid. I was

I was afraid of swimming pools, high-tension wires, lye under the sink, aspirin in the medicine cabinet. The Broken Man himself. I was afraid of rattlesnakes, riptides, landslides, strangers who appeared at the door, unexplained fevers, elevators without operators and empty hotel corridors. The source of fear was obvious: it was the harm that could come to her. A question: if we and our children could in fact see the other clear would the fear go away? Would the fear go away for both of us, or would the fear go away only for me?" - Page 54

• Makes me question how she must have felt in the moment when she realised her fears had come true - that she lost her daughter. Since this book is written several decades later, Didion is not very expressive. 
• Her motherly instincts really show in this excerpt, especially with the depiction of fear. 

Chapter Eleven

""You have your wonderful memories," people said later, as if memories were solace. Memories are not. Memories are by definition of times past, things gone. Memories are the Westlake uniforms in the closet, the faded and cracked photographs, the invitations to the weddings of people who are no longer married, the mass cards from the funeral of the people whose faces you no longer remember. Memories are what you no longer want to remember." - Page 64

• Interestingly, this book is the first time I'm hearing of memories as a negative thing. Though I can imagine its through the pain caused by the reminder of her loss. 
• The repetition she uses in her autobiography contributes towards this idea of pain she's going through. That this idea is repetitively haunting her. 

Chapter Twelve

"It also occurs to me that no one who now comes across this Olds 88 commercial on YouTube would know who Sidney Korshak was, or for that matter, who Diana was, or even what an Olds 88 was. 

Time passes." - Page 66

• Again, there seems to be a recurring theme of how unreliable memory is. 
• There is also the thought that one's death will be lost in history, and eventually forgotten. 
• There is a silent implication that Quintana's death will follow the same fate.
• Though ironically she is commemorated through this autobiography. 

Chapter Twenty-Six

"Fade as the blue nights fade, go as the brightness goes. 

Go back into the blue.

I myself placed her ashes in the wall.
I myself saw the cathedral doors locked at six. 

I know what it is I am now experiencing. 

I know what the frailty is, I know what the fear is. 

The fear is not for what is lost. 

What is lost is already in the wall. 

What is lost is already behind the locked doors. 

The fear is for what is still to be lost. 

You may see nothing is still to be lost. 

Yet there is no day in her life on which I do not see her." - Page 188

• This is how Didion supposedly deals with her grievances, as she does not seem to be over her loss. Not even by the end of her autobiography. 
• This sort of contributes to this idea that losing a child is a source for perpetual sadness. 

Scriptwriting, the ups and downs.

The script for "See You Soon" was inspired by a summer I had spent with my family in Germany. From what I've observed this year, I've noticed that nearly all the women in my family are extremely headstrong. One of my aunts ran the family events, the other aunt took care of everyone's insurance and medical papers, my cousin is seen as the determined athlete, my mother acted as the pillar of support, whilst my grandmother was the head of the family. We all lived under the same household every summer. 

For reasons that cannot be written here, my mother stated that "this would be our last holiday with this part of the family." It dawned upon me that 21 years of memories in this household were coming to an end. It was the only home I had with childhood memories in it, since my lifestyle involved moving to a new house every four years with my parents. I made a conscious decision to cherish every remaining day I had with my extended family. 

Just like how I had made a conscious decision to cherish every holiday I had with my mother. 

Whilst at University overseas, I would be jealous of the local students who got to go home to their families every weekend. It would turn Farnham into a ghost town during the weekends. This feeling of jealousy would intensify when I met their parents as they came into the student's kitchens to clean up after them. My own mother has yet to visit the United Kingdom for the first time.

Loneliness was not a stranger to me. When I saw my mother in Germany this summer, I enjoyed every moment I could knowing that I only saw her for 30 days a year.

Whilst being hosted by my two aunts, my mother, sister, brother and myself would take the same bedroom. This meant I was witness to some verbal disputes between my sister and mother. The root cause of these fights were simply because my sister was either rude or lazy, I recognised such traits in myself from when I was her age - back when I took everything for granted. When I was given the opportunity to speak, I told my sister to calm down "because you'll miss mom when you're gone for University." My advice was met with the silent treatment from my sister. 

This is what inspired my first draft for "See You Soon." I wanted the main focus of the story to be the importance of what little time we have left with our loved ones. Unfortunately, I found that my first draft was way too dark. 

In a tutorial with Nigel, he gave me the following advice: 

• How can you engage with characters in just a montage?
• Can’t have rising conflict, because there’s no where for her to go. The funeral is the final act.
• Mum’s grieving for grandmother. Older sister comes back, younger sister is behaving like a brat. Has a potential for dynamism. Or change.
• As a DFSAer – maker it more experimental.
• The material was like a soap opera. It had the arguments, but they were just cyclical.
• Use that material in a “DFSA” way, I would need to abstract it more. Ways such as:
• Cleo Bernard’s “The Arbour.” It’s reenactments lip syncing to other voices.
• Carroll Morley’s “Dreams of a Life.”
• If you break naturalism, I can have both Stephanie’s in the same frame.
• Deconstruct it: a story should have a beginning, middle and end. The model for a story for a three act structure.
• Set up a routine, interrupt it, set up a new routine, incorporate, success.
• Hero gets what they need, but they can never get it. But probably not what they wanted.
• “400 Blows” – it’s about a boy who has a uncomfortable home life, Antoine is either the victim of injustice or he behaves badly. He tries to balance it.
• Watching someone cry will not produce melancholy or catharsis. It’s not sympathetic magic. A purging through pity and fear, when you engage with somebody trying to carry out a goal, and being sworn to it in an unfair way. Older sister is trying to convince her sister.
• “SHIRIN” by Steve Phingleton. Naturalism. It picks a key moment and hangs everything on that. It could have unfolded over a number of scenes.  It’s choosing a key moment to tell and enter a story.
• Abstracting autobiographic material – Guy Madden’s “my Winnipeg.”
• I either need a compressed naturalistic piece, choosing a Key moment. Stay clear of soap opera. I need a non naturalistic distancing. A goal that they want to achieve.
• Mother doesn’t want to be a saint. Don’t ever explain the thesis in the film, especially not in the voice over. It could be expressionistic.
• Can’t start with an earthquake, and have a climax. That’s what my story currently does.
• The timeline – things progressively worse. The classic resolution, 40 year old Stephanie, forgiving herself. Problem is getting a character to be self involved. Give her a sister, she is no longer self absorbed. It’s altruistic, more likely to root for someone who isn’t wallowing in self-pity.
• RELATIVE MORALITY, if you want someone rooting for an antagonist.
• Tone will do a lot: british sit com. Stay away from pity, and turned it into a comedy. “Shameless.” DO NOT ask for sympathy or handouts.
• The Bauhaus – form follows function. Find out what you want to do to an audience, then follow it. The rationale for every decision is “what is this going to do to an audience.” Structuralist approach, “how do I solve this problem? How do I impact the audience.”
• “just imagine you get hit by a bus after you make in this film. Do you want this for you to be remembered by?
• What I shouldn’t do is what is expected of me. If it’s something I’m not good at, or speaks to me. (i.e: scriptwriting)
• Follow what I’m good at - producing.

Following our tutorial together I looked up "Shirin" by Steve Phingleton. I saw that it did not take a consistently dark undertone throughout the film to express a family's issues. I was inspired by its minimalistic approach at a modern-day issue. This showed me that I did not have the knowledge of a scriptwriter, and that I should focus on what I am best at - producing. This is when I decided to recruit a BA (Hons) Film Production scriptwriter, Sam Harding. 

As a new recruit to the team, Sam wanted to know how much freedom he had with this script. I stressed on the importance of depicting loss in a parent-child relationship, whilst working with past and present timelines. The following day, Sam had a meeting with the crew to discuss ideas and our expectations:

• It will no longer be of a deceased mother, but a deceased daughter. Sam suggested that this would more of a natural tragedy with more ideas to work with. 
• The mother could be a midwife (perhaps for the NHS?). The irony being that our protagonist is someone who deals with life as a vocation, and death at home.
• The daughter dies accidentally and suddenly, so that the mother hadn't yet come to terms with her loss. 
• The past timeline depicts the week leading up to the daughter's death.
• The present timeline depicts several months after the daughter's death, and how the mother copes with her loss. 
• Both timelines will be met through match-cuts (inspired by Shunpo and last semester's dance unit) and the accidental death itself.
• The production value has to be minimalistic, as we want the focus to be on the mother-daughter relationship. 

We all then negotiated to have the first draft finished for the 26th of October.